Humour by Edie Dippel, Webmaster www.sirharrylauder.com

Just when I had decided that entertainment, real entertainment, was a lost cause, Gordon Irving, of Glasgow, Scotland introduced me to Sir Harry Lauder and Jim Hutton of Courtice, Ontario, Canada sent me a CD of The Andy Stewart Collection. I've seen video clips of Will Fyff, Harry Gordon and other greats of the Scottish Music Hall, last but by no means least, recently I have heard a CD of the soundtrack of "Lauder" the one man play written by it's star, Jimmy Logan.

Now people, that's entertainment. The Music Police needs to put out a "Wanted" poster on television for the murder of the Music Hall and Vaudeville. MGM movie studio at least had the decency to produce some great musicals and biographicals of some of the composers responsible for my allowance being put down at the box office, but I haven't been to a movie theatre in years. I won't pay to be depressed, I can get that free by reading a newspaper or turning on CNN.

I am disturbed by music (and I use the term "music" loosely) which promotes violence against law enforcement, women etc. Hip Hop and Rap - what is that anyway? If you can't sing it, hum it or dance to it, it just "ain't" music.

Oh, you can sing country and western music if broken love affairs are your thing: Growing up in Texas, that was about the only thing on radio, which is why I donated my allowance to MGM. Although they were remiss in not making a movie about the life story of Sir Harry Lauder. I do have hopes that they will wake up and smell the heather and correct that error.

Even sitcoms have started giving political ads or promoting special interests. I want happy, honest laughter, I'll make up my own mind on world affairs.

Between Sir Harry and Andy Stewart, you can find what I fondly refer to as 'all occasion music' Do you hate housework? Well, next time you vacuum the floor, sing a few choruses with Sir Harry, "Roamin' in the Gloamin", how about washing dishes? Standing over a hot stove? Then I recommend you sing with Andy Stewart "Courtin' in the Kitchen", especially the line, "she invited me to a hoolie/houlie in the kitchen".

I don't know what that is, but it sounds like a plan to me.

Need to clean the loo? How about this? Andy's got you covered with "The Muckin 'O' Geordies Byre".

The next time the lake decides to pay a visit to my back yard, Andy and I are ready with

"Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whiskey,
Campbeltown Loch up high,
Cambeltown Loch I wish you were whiskey, I would drink ye dry"

Mind you, I'm not a whiskey drinker but a cup of coffee with a drab of "you know who's" Irish Cream sounds good.

Men, put your arms around your wife and sing a couple of choruses of "I Love A Lassie"or "She's The Lass For Me" then throw in "Lassie Come And Dance" for good measure.

Yes, she may be suspicious the first few times - that's why it needs to become a habit. The pay off may surprise you.

When the bairns become a wee bit rowdy, teach them "Stop Yer Ticklin' Jock" or the "Waggle 'O' the Kilt". Is there anything as sweet as a child's laughter? Who knows? You may discover that you have a budding superstar.

The best part is that music is one of the few things left that doesn't cause cancer, but I have "me doots" about Hard Rock.

"Keep Right On To The End Of The Road"!

Oh, one more thing, exactly what is a "hoolie"?

Edie Dipple is a regular contributor to the Gathering of the Clans. Read about her on our Writers Page, or go to her very own website about the world famous Vaudeville Entertainer, Sir Harry Lauder, at http://www.sirharrylauder.com .

Links:

Scottish Theatre and Music Hall

GOTC Writers

Famous Scot Sir Harry Lauder on GOTC

He Put Glasgow on the Map: Will Fyffe on GOTC

Famous Scot Jimmy Logan, O.B.E., on GOTC